So, hospitals are crowded, and stingy about offering information. This particular hospital had a security guy controlling the hallway. Valparaiso is Chile’s most dangerous place, or so I’ve been told. And the hospital’s audience did seem to warrant some authoritative presence. I don’t know about you but I never know whether these guys’ presence shouldn’t render me more nervous: If security is necessary, why is there only one guy? But then, I’m in a paranoid state because a few days ago I got robbed of my bag with ALL that is valuable to me here (except passport and credit card which I kept apart…)
The first guy I had to talk to wanted to chat about Paris. (I thought, stupidly, that this was already the doctor but no-no-no. That was only the guy to take my data. I had to make an appointment and return later that day for this) I never like it when doctors like to chat. They probably think they are doing me a favor, calming the nerves and whatnot, but I want my questions answered, get the thing done, over and out of there.
Anyway, the guy was what they call a “Viejo caliente,” and he addressed every nurse as “amor de mi vida.” After another half an hour of waiting and playing Naipes, I was let into another room, where two women, a young and an old one, practiced whether or not “ella” (me) understands them.
When they finally took my blood, or tried to, I had been waiting 2-3 hours (with appointment), and I was freezing. It gets quite chilly here but there is no calefaction, nowhere, because “it doesn’t get cold enough” (this is a very relative statement) to justify squandering money on heating. As a result, everybody has a cold and/or expensive electric heater.
Have I mentioned the obsession with money that people display here? Forget prudence about “dirty money”: every price and paycheck is relentlessly asked, told, compared and memorized; and even the least helpful staff member will be able to rattle off the prices of things.
The corpulent lady did not find a suitable vein and complained to me about this. She then decided to tell me she would “try her luck” and literally poking in my arm in search of blood, occasionally asking me if it hurt. I have been watching In the Valley of Elah recently, and was weirdly reminded of the sadistic private in that movie. When she gave up she told me she would try my hand now, informing me that “this will hurt.” There was only a little blood coming, and I tried to tell her that I was going to faint but she didn’t listen or pay attention. When I was coming to, there were four women in the room, two holding me tight, all of them gabbering in Spanish at high voice and speed. Unmitigated terror. I had no clue what was going on but felt that I definitely should.
Afterwards, one of the ladies was indignated that I couldn’t tell her what was my usual low blood pressure (Seriously, do you know?) Whether I haven’t been told my pressure? In innocent and unintentionl rudeness I told her yes but that I found the information uninteresting and therefore forgot it. Great look on her face.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Tales of Chile, part I
I recently found myself in a hospital in Valparaiso (don´t be worried). This endeavor – to take a blood test – turned out to be quite a surreal experience. I have had time to observe before that hospitals in Chile (with the exception of the places for the very rich) are places for social gatherings and exchange. A bit like going to the market. There are always a lot of people waiting and chatting, and blocking the entrance to the information counter.
As an aside, the relation to space, both personal and social, is definitely different here. For example, many times I exasperate because there are no stable currents in highly overcrowded places; Instead, everyone walks han-solo-style, in a chaos, with sudden stops, turns and blockades. - On the other hand, I enjoy the fact that people are less dominated by a “social pace” and walking in right angles. - Relating to this subject matter is the territorial behavior of females of a certain age group. Shopping carts become weapons in their pushy fingers. But this might be an international problem? Am I mistaken, or are men, generally speaking, more considerate of possible backs, feet and knees into which they might be ramming their protruding artificial limbs? (Or is that because here you’d find only non-machistic men doing the shopping here?)
To return to my point, possibly as a result of this permanently crowded state of affairs, forget privacy: Both in hospitals and in farmacias, no-one would dream of voluntarily relinquishing space (even if it were possible) or at least turn the head or eyes away as a social act of performing inexistence (I really should find a place here that has huge and crowded elevators, and experiment with it). Again, this has its plus side. While everybody will know your tampon brand, rash medicine or worse, people are willing to assist with information. While in my case - that of a grumpy European - this interaction is mostly unasked for, I’ve had to grudgingly admit that it is very very helpful because of Information Gathering Rule 1. Which says that there is no secure way to obtain information. Forget authorities, certificates or logic such as “in a place where they sell xx, the vendors should know about xx.” The only reliable way to obtain valid information is to ask as many people as possible. Ask at least three times for a way, and don’t be shy to walk back a couple of blocks if the last person you asked, seemed to be more well-informed than the previous ones.
As an aside, the relation to space, both personal and social, is definitely different here. For example, many times I exasperate because there are no stable currents in highly overcrowded places; Instead, everyone walks han-solo-style, in a chaos, with sudden stops, turns and blockades. - On the other hand, I enjoy the fact that people are less dominated by a “social pace” and walking in right angles. - Relating to this subject matter is the territorial behavior of females of a certain age group. Shopping carts become weapons in their pushy fingers. But this might be an international problem? Am I mistaken, or are men, generally speaking, more considerate of possible backs, feet and knees into which they might be ramming their protruding artificial limbs? (Or is that because here you’d find only non-machistic men doing the shopping here?)
To return to my point, possibly as a result of this permanently crowded state of affairs, forget privacy: Both in hospitals and in farmacias, no-one would dream of voluntarily relinquishing space (even if it were possible) or at least turn the head or eyes away as a social act of performing inexistence (I really should find a place here that has huge and crowded elevators, and experiment with it). Again, this has its plus side. While everybody will know your tampon brand, rash medicine or worse, people are willing to assist with information. While in my case - that of a grumpy European - this interaction is mostly unasked for, I’ve had to grudgingly admit that it is very very helpful because of Information Gathering Rule 1. Which says that there is no secure way to obtain information. Forget authorities, certificates or logic such as “in a place where they sell xx, the vendors should know about xx.” The only reliable way to obtain valid information is to ask as many people as possible. Ask at least three times for a way, and don’t be shy to walk back a couple of blocks if the last person you asked, seemed to be more well-informed than the previous ones.
this is funny (I didn't write it)
The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its
yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative
meanings for common words.
*The winners are:
*
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3 . Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run
over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when
you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there..
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish
men
The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word
from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one
letter, and supply a new definition.
*Here are this year's winners:
*
1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
of breaking down in the near future.
2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.
3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period.
4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it.
6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
serious bummer.
10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming
only things that are good for you.
11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.
13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web
14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into you
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in
thefruit you're eating.
And the pick of the literature:
16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative
meanings for common words.
*The winners are:
*
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3 . Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run
over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when
you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there..
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish
men
The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word
from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one
letter, and supply a new definition.
*Here are this year's winners:
*
1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
of breaking down in the near future.
2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.
3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period.
4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it.
6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
serious bummer.
10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming
only things that are good for you.
11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.
13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web
14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into you
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in
thefruit you're eating.
And the pick of the literature:
16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
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