Monday, September 29, 2008

they called him "Big Boom Bong"

My weekly dosis of craziness took the form of an elderly Irish -"100 percent!" - who started to discuss Oscar Wilde - "I highly recommend you look into the family history of Oscar Wilde" - and Ulysses with me. He switched to Finnegan's Wake where I could say nothing, not having read it, and happily expounded the last sentence of the novel.
I figured he was a little crazy even before he revealed to me that "everybody" calls him "Big Boom Bong". he launched into an absurd story as to how that nickname came about... yeah, right.The conversation felt absurd but actually quite interesting. ... not as surreal as Joe singing "Leaving on a jetplane" in the jungle, more original than the generic snake story Joe told us (and less traumatizing than the truly scary snake story the Canadian chick told me: a Boa pet refusing to eat, diagnozed with depressin by the Vet, until the owner wakes up one day to see the snake stretched out beside her, and it turns out the Boa was FASTING TO EAT HER AND MEASURING HER !!)
anyway, BBB wrote down the last sentences of Finnegan's Wake - "the charm of favour's fond consent ...what would Ewe do?" As these seemed to me both too sexual and slightly insulting (Ewe?!), I fled, and that was that.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Boulder, Colorado

yesterday I met the most obnoxious person so far. M., from "boulder, colorado" (purse the pretty lips - since when is that a hip place to be?) was also in cooking class. presumably because she is vegetarian, she had this whole "mightier than thou" attitude down. my fav sentence here: "Oh I think protein is totally overrated!" (also, apparently, there is a backlash on soybeans - soo unhealthy it turns out - awaiting us.) I can see you are not convinced, my non-judgemental but hopefully open-to-gossip friends, so here's more. Being practically a pro - having been almost three weeks in thailand already (gasp!) -, she readily dished out advice to everyone. The one directed to me included the condescending "it's also in the lonely planet..." (my mistake for having chatted merrily to her when I still thought she was just shy and inhibited by being a little too pretty). Apparently, she practically thrived in this dangerous dangerous country and trip - has anyone ever dared to go this far before? -, getting the Asian vibe, unlike us, the degenerated Western cooking collegues. I mentally clubbed her to curry-appropriate pieces most of the time.

The cooking class was fun though and VERY exhausting, mainly because we had to eat all courses. (Boulder, Col, after devouring her first dish and nibbling on the remaining five, exclaimed repeatedly than she wouldn't be able to eat for a week now. Gosh!)
Khao Saw, in case I haven't mentioned this yet, a local dish from Chiang Mai, is unbelievably yummy: beef in yellowish curry with noodles - terrific!

As if to prove Boulder wrong, I made yesterday a pig-out day (as a side-effect this forced my bowels to release some of its content held captive). I almost cried over seeing a street vendor selling the most delicious sushi for 5-10Baht apiece (40,50 Baht make Euro)
Yesterday was Sunday market in Chiang Mai. The city has been reknowned for its markets even before Western tourism peaked and there was so much beautiful stuff -clothes, fabrics, jewelry, bags, even shoes, and of course food - that I went gaga from stimulation overload as usual. of course most clothes are unwearable for my body type. Much to my chagrin I discovered that even some of the stuff I bought didn't fit - there were no changing rooms obviosly, but also no mirrors or size markers. Some things are too small, others will fit when I'll have those twins and an SUV. It started to rain but no-one made much of a fuss...

Saturday, September 27, 2008

elephants, bamboos, and dirt



alright I did it and went for one of these crazy package deals: trekking AND elephants AND bamboo rafting AND watching "mountain people" in one of these semi-exploitative touristic ways (I add semi because we didn't really see much of them - fair enough - and those we did see tried to sell things in a most instistent way).
and speaking of packages: elephants, man! the guiness book or whoever keeps track of these things were not kidding! Me and the Canadian couple rode a lady though, who was initially sort of obstinate (upon looking up this word, I found it to be well represented within the animal kingdom - mulish, pig-headed, bullheaded.. - with the elephant being terribly misrepresented). Then however she took a great big fart, which we took to be sign of another animal at first, and a giant dump and then she was all sweet(wish I could take such a dump...). they are really amazing creatures, I am very much enthralled!

here's me on an elephant





here's a smudge on my camera and the brits look therefore really holy:\


our guide, Joe, was styling himself after Indiana Jones, with a mighty moustache, fond of taking off his shirt and slapping his round muscular belly and lauding his own food (which I didn't fancy much to be honest. I keep asking everyone to make it hot and spicy, and much of the stuff is really sugary). So Joe, who was equally fond of uninvitedly touching others, me for example, was not my favorite but he redeemed himself in my eyes by carving a sort of cask made of bamboo. he did it for the two guys in our group who steered the raft with him - he was also very fond of pairing us according to gender, boyfriend/girlfriend etc - but he made one for me too when I asked him.


the elephants were by far the best part. The trekking was quite something too: steep uphill in really hot and humid weather, then it started to pour down on us like crazy and the equally steep downhill track became really slippery. we were tired and soaked through, especially considering that three out of seven did not have raincoats. Apart from the hyper-friendly, slender, beautiful adn terribly young Canadian couple, there was an interesting English couple, Cornwall and London, and two Spanish beach-chicks. So I have some beautiful scratches added to my sunburn and bruises and bites, and I feel terribly adventurous.


rafting:\


I cannot remember when I have last been so dirty. Walking in mud and water, we got to the village where we were to stay overnight; we walked in the mud, showered with brown river water, provisionally cleaned the clay-plastered shoes, ate Joe's sweetish dinner with rice and slept like stones until the roosters got going at around 5am and kept at it until about 8 am.

the village:


In the morning, all the dirty soaked clothes, sneakers and my bag with a now-broken zipper (from frantically stowing awaymy camera) were exactly the same as the night before. it dried a bit on the raft though. that was fun - except for a fat brown spider and my increasing bug-paranoia, egged on by the canadian girl.
after that I changed guesthouses coz I couldn't face dragging my shit up to the 7th not-so-royal floor of the Royal Guesthouse again. then I went to have drinks with the Brits, sucked miserably at pool and realized why I, as a falang, have a hard time getting spicy food.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

strangers in the night

so just when I started to feel sort of lonely with only these steppenwolf-backpacker-kiddies for "fun", I met an enthralling guy, Jid, on the night train: a DJ from bangkok who spoke English blissfully well.. after so many coversations which threatened to and did fail at the most basic moments ("can you leave the menu here, for desserts?" - smiling response, yesyes, and off he goes with the menu... ) - anyway I was exhilarated and we had quite a nice chat. his brother has a guesthouse in laos, so maybe we'll meet again. I hope so - a whole thai just for me! how exciting! :))

a little bit of everything

details

enthusiastic thais watching soccer

the river kwai

and again

something I loved at this freak museum

ayutthaya: elephants and guess what?


more! buddhas!


some pics


still adjusting to the daze

okay so I don't know what the Lonely Planet people were smoking or whether they could all speak thai or something, but almost every single thing I purchased so far was - sometimes considerably - more expensive than those guys said it would be, above all transport. It annoys me immensely. less the money in itself - it's a virtual loss after all and of course it's okay to pay more than the locals etc etc - but the feeling of being the stupid foreigner. I hope I can loose that reflex because generally I found the people very nice, and if I thought I could detect my surplus price, it was sort of moderate. still, especially when all are shouting their goodies at you, you do feel like the cow ... a big fat milky white, sweaty white western cow ...well as you can see, my mood is only so-so, so I'll continue with the list of things-not-so-perfect (but still pretty awesome, mind you, I'm sitting below palm trees after all, totally willing to sing kumbaya and all)
b) as of today I've declared myself officially clogged.
c) I'm exhausted from lack of sleep. I arrived in Ayuttaya yesterday and spent the day looking at Wats (temples), worn out by a late nighte techno disco and a karaoke bar next to my guesthouse. so tonight I will treat myself to a night train to Chiang Mai (a large Thai city in the North).
d) I have an angry burn on my leg. I wondered half the day yesterday whether some insect had bit me or whether someone had maybe kicked me on the bus while I was sleeping.. but then there came the blisters so I figured my thai motorbike taxi guy wasn't talking shit when, upon delivering me at the busstation, he informed me smilingly that some-part-of-his-bike was really hot. I don't remember feeling any particular pain and looking at the nasty burn, I'm amazed at my tunnel vision capabilities.

on the plus side: kittens at the bamboo house in kanchaburi, a catcalling parrot at the guesthouse in ayutthaya , a light breeze that is so soothing ... omnipresent dazzling markets where I could stay forever, just looking looking and trying things (pass on the dried squid or frogs), terrific mango and coconut (disgusting pickled mango and dried seaweed), orange-clad monks taking cell phone pictures of the Golden Buddha in Wat Phra Si Sanphet, and the fact that left-line traffic is totally master-able. Oh, and when I entered this place where I'm now, the lady told me, Internet is free and, putting on the song, she added: Don't worry, be happy...

Monday, September 22, 2008

Kanchaburi



this is my guesthouse in Kanchaburi (famous ex-POW camp, bridge over the river Kwai). I moved so I could stay in one of those bamboo huts on the river. I even bathed in the river! although I'm not sure that was such a good idea. once I was in I remembered that this is probably the end of all things in the bathroom. more importantly, I almost failed at climbing out again.. But, as you can see, I prevailed eventually (and I sincerely hope no-one was watching or filming this feat)

Sunday, September 21, 2008

back home (intellectually speaking) to war and museums

yeah well I had nightmares which built on bits of the beginning of "the beach", so I left pestering bankok in search of serenity in kanchanaburi. micha said it all ;-) for those of you who haven't heard micha rhapsodizing about thailand and who, like me, probably don't know anything about kan., it's basically a small town (sometimes looking more like basically a street lined with shops, taxi/motorbike/bike stands, fruit/food stands, bars, guesthouses, internetcafes or anything a tourist might need) around the famous Bridge over the Kwai river. it's famous because there had been a POW camp here in world war II and a film was made of the war crime that took place here (which I haven't seen. has any of you?)POWs died either in forced labor camps buildign the bridge or by allied bombing. there are two museums dedicated to this, a "real" one and a "fake" one. guess to which I went? it was full of weird potpourri kitsch and random collections, among which was a life-sized statue of hitler(actually i think he's taller here) and an explanatory plaquette which ends on somethin like: rumours are that H. is dead but really, who knows? no-one has seen his body..
the museum was fun though. i learned about a really important elephant duel in the war with burma. then I saw my first elephant! and a thai guy wanted to have a picture with me. he was wearing monk clothes I think, or at least something traditional, and I think we found each other the oddest eggs yet.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

bangkok

the combination of me forgetting my passwords and thai language is not helpful to speeding up the time spent in an internet cafe. well, I'm here. of course I'm at the hyper/touristy kua san road (if that is the name). i just couldn't be bothered to shop around for guest houses. it's exactly as one would imagine: loud, crowded, pictoral and pittoresque (no time to check spellings), colourful, smelly, hot, dirty, the food mostly smells good, EVERYBODY has been nice and smiling so far - even if they secretly curse me, it does feel good. lots of falangs around; it is soothing that most look as stupidly out of place as i do - whitish or sunburnt, in obvious holiday-let's-'crazy clothes. lots of couples too. so there is not only sex tourism. I've been eyeing every white man with suspicion so far. should stop that.
there was a cute australian on the plane (who travelled on to australia), so polite and very australian accent, totally endearing. BA serves great food - you were right about that ms N - but they scared me shitless with a "passenger issue"...after some time it became only "the issue". the guy was sitting in front of me and waving his medical records. they needed the combined efforts in politness of three english stewards t get him out of the plane, and I for some reason couldn't get "twelve monkeys" out of my head. that was at an airport too, rightm and with viruses etc... maybe my light reading of this morning did not help - all the free information sheets on any and all diseases distributed by the Tropical institut in Berlin.
well, so far not much more has happened, except a guy at the airport who told me half his - interesting- lifestory while we were waiting for the bus. originally a hohenzollern (i saw the passport) now american citizen, speaks 25 langauges, grew up in indonesia, joined the green berets, etc etc and when I asked him what he does for a living he said with a meaningful and wicked grin-smile that he works "for the US government." he looked the part too - somewhere between the old indiana jones and leo in "blood diamond". so that was scary too, somehow. If anyone cares to check, I'd be interested in the results.. first name alexander then something. he got into the dome for free.
anyway. I'm thinking of you my friends, with much love, i wonder where all this comes from, I seem to have a secret fountain inside me. it would be great to have you here and share (but then we'd probably get on each others nerves so its better this way)! keep me posted on events (or comment) and Ian, I'm sorry I figure I will be waffling.. but you're not obliged to read it

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

random and polar



Berlin is seriously polar. Best pre-RTW weather ever. I’m getting tipsy from drinking hot tea in my dad’s giant Shanghai cups but it might also be the vaccination. Imagination is the key to everything! Have been driving around all day and thoroughly enjoyed myself and especially the navigation system since I starting switching the voices, alternating between „Lisa“ and „Werner.“ (Werner’s voice is slightly high. I wonder.)

(sorry for this entry, ian... waffle here, waffle there...)